SiD’s Sphere!!

books have played a very important role in making me who i am. almost very book i’ve read has left a lastin mark on some aspect of my personality. n the last 3 books have not been any different. but what is different how the seemingly unconnected and unrelated books have started off by addressing the same strand of thought where the last book ended.

The first in this series was Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky. The title is self explanatory. It is an exhaustive narrative of a man who believed that certain people have the right to kill and he was one of those exceptional cases. but following the murder, the writer tediously describes the delirious torture he goes through at the hands of his exacting conscience. the book thus tried to convey the idea that the mental suffering that a criminal undergoes following his crime is retribution enough for him. But in most psychological struggles, that represent a spiritual drama between the protests of conscience and the justifications of reason, reason overpowers the conscience as that is the only way his sanity can remain intact. and then there are cases when a man doesn’t even realize that his actions have trespassed the moral and ethical limits set by society. this is an issue that the book fails to acknowledge.

i would have overlooked it too, had the next book i started readin wasn’t John Grisham’s The Chamber. The book was an eye-opener. I’d read about the Ku Klux Klan and their activities in Malcolm X’s autobiography but the gruesome nature of their terror hadn’t dawned upon me then. These were men who did not repent their deeds- the murders, the lynchings,..It was only after years of conviction and a few days away from the gas chamber that Sam Cayhall started regretting his action and even then one was forced to ask himself while reading, if the man really deserved to die.

But again, what was more baffling was the man Sam Cayhall had apparently attacked- a Jew. Living in Pakistan, you’re inculcated that Jews control the world and simply put are bad people. But back in the 60s, a Jew was attacked by a white man, and then the same man continued to resent his Jewish law firm representing him. Really? Wasn’t the entire Western World on the Jews’ side? Apparently not. A startling revelation that recurred in the next book- The Class by Erich Segal.

One of the members of the class was a Jew whose parents had attempted to assimilate with the mainstream society by converting to Utilitarianism. What?? Jews were prejudiced against at one point in American History? During the course of the book, a Jew with an identity crisis, makes his way to Israel and discover his roots. For the first time in my life, I saw Jews as victims. Even havin read Anne Frank. Even after nightmares of the concentration camps…

I wish I could find a book now that answers the questions swirling in my head now? Why do the Palestinians have to pay for all the injustices against the Jews? In greater interest of everyone and for the sake of peace, why can’t the big Arab egos sacrifice the sacred land to the Israelis? Why does USA have to interfere in every God damned thing? During The Class’s 25th Reunion, a couple asked one of the members of the class who had become the Assistant Secretary of State by then, if his conscience let him sleep at night after having sent so many American soldiers to die in Vietnam for no reason. George Keller, had committed suicide before the end of the Reunion Week. The Americans haven’t learned from history. Hundreds of American soldiers continue to die in Iraq. The casualties are still far greater than just those American soldiers. What for? Who gains and what?

Last year’s Murder Video was not only an instant hit at the Dinner but also got featured on Karachi Metroblogs, albeit for the wrong reasons. This year, the producer was hoping for an overwhelming response at the dinner. However, it seems to me that Murphy’s Law could be aptly renamed to Nabeel’s law.

Finally, presenting to everyone…The Second Murder

There are some who feel that we’ve been institutionalized, and we’ve lost whatever little creativity we had when we first came in. but the above production is just one example of how multi talented the whole bunch is. Remarkable direction and acting, meticulous photography, with blood-curdling sound effects!
What you see above is future CEOs and COOs, the movers and shakers of the next decade being juvenile and delinquent..

Starring: Saad Haleem
Ali Wasti
Moiz-ul-Haq
Editing: Sidrat Asim
Direction: Saad Raza
Nabeel Shakeel
Producer: Nabeel Shakeel

W200i isn’t a good camera but I love this picture I was able to take this Saturday on my visit to Tando Adam. The blistering heat was unbearable but the experience of witnessing rural life was a treat. Click here for more pictures I took on the trip.

it disgusts me how much hate I carry around in my heart. hate, so intense, that a few words can trigger an overwhelming urge to strike out or swear. but, i guess, it is the lack of catharsis itself that breeds more hate.

i don’t remember expressing anger or lashing out in a long long time. the only witness to my anger are my broken glasses and now i’m frightened by the transformation of my anger at certain people into hatred directed at completely unrelated individuals. i don’t like myself for that. i don’t want to hate yet it is such an involuntary expression, that i can’t seem to do anything about it. a couple o weeks ago, there was slight that i may yet rise above all my disappointments and my insecurities and my heartaches but only a single let-down has proven to be too much for my frail and i’ve realised that i have a long way to go before i can feel self-sufficient. before i can stop being a parasite. before i can step out of the shadows.

and i re-iterate

sidrat asim is neither cypress nor oak
a parasite in a deciduous cloak

The Pakistani Spectator interviews bloggers regularly. I was interviewed today.

Click here for my views on the future of Pakistani blogosphere…

I stopped keeping count of the number of times I clicked on the ‘New Post’ button and then a few hours later when I was shutting down the PC, i closed the tab with the empty text space mocking me.

But right now, I feel a pressing need to write. Hey, didn’t i promise myself to document my life. A record of what I’ve been thinking almost everyday day of my life would be something. Right now, there are too many gaps again that I will try and fill in this post.

One thing that I’ve wanted to write about a long time is my internship. Remember this post last year when I said

Selling soaps, diapers or buiscuits or arranging finance to manufacure the same is not my calling in life.

Well guess where I’ll be spending 10 weeks beginning June 9? Procter & Gamble. It’s ironic not just that even after being vehemently opposed to working at such a place, I’m going to be interning there; but it is completely mind boggling, that all the people who desperately wanted to intern there and were thus working hard to prepare for the interviews didn’t make it and I, the only person who refused to take a mock interview or even got my resume checked by a senior, got selected. I’m not very proud of myself for this. This is just a proof for me that if I wasn’t lazy enough to apply at places I would have liked to work at, I could have bagged that too. I never applied to State Bank because th application had to be attested and what not…and back then, I just didn’t have the time. I asked a friend where I should apply if I want to go on to study economics and well, he just laughed at me. the same friend, I now consider just another cog in the corporate wheel. I never tried searching for any options myself. As always, I just sat back and let life happen to me instead of getting up and happening to life…

Even though I felt that where I interned this summer was going to be very crucial in defining my future, but now I’m lookin forward to P&G. maybe next year… I’ll be more proactive.

Life otherwise, has been the same. Except for the time last week when I read a note by Ramla Akhtar on Facebook. It was called ‘Benevolent Intent, Relationships, and the Fallacy of the Two‘

In the discussion that followed, someone very aptly answered one of my questions in the following words:

I feel the Oak and the Cypress dont grow under each other’s shadow, the two parties should not try to complete each other as they would feel a sense of void, if there is dependence on one person.http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=9462424
Blogger: Sid’s Sphere - Create Post
Harmony can only exist when the two parties respect each other and both have something for themselves at the end of the day to fall upon than each other as parasites; these conflicts of Self would not occur, rather as mentioned a selfless approach to life.

It hit me. My immediate response was;

Sidrat Asim is neither cypress nor oak
A parasite in a deciduous cloak

And guess what.. I’ve stopped being a parasite now. It was that simple. And it has been gr8 ever since. So many people have tried so hard to instill positivity in me and these few lines is all it took. But then I also remember this which a few days later was followed by this.

Let’s see how long this phase lasts..

to people who read my blog, i must sound like an extremely depressed person but it’s just that i only turn to it when i feel really bad.

the last few months, i’ve tried really hard to change myself. after a semester of extreme lack of motivation, i wanted things to be different this time around. and yet, tonight i feel hollow again. the very day i’ve been told i’ve been ‘unusually productive’. the last few weeks i’ve been unusually productive. and not only that i’m also doin a lot of things. making new friends. trying really hard, really hard to work it out with the old ones. but the more i think about everyting, the more superficial everything seems to be. i don’t want to be here. i don’t want to be living this life. but i don’t know what else i can do either.

tonight the world is a dark place…

Throughout history, debate has raged on concerning the use of violence in achieving political ends. In this debate, three arguments exists. The first are the pacifists. These are the people who are in principle against the use of violence.

What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?

Gandhi

The second school of thought are the the ones who reject violence on purely practical means.

The third are those who believe that violence is a necessary evil without which the less powerful would go unheard. Nelson Mandela strongly opposed those in the African National Congress who wanted to aggressively fight back in the face of apartheid for a long time before he finally he agreed to the formation of Umkhonto we Sizwe, the military wing of the African National Congress.

There are many people who feel that it is useless and futile for us to continue talking peace and non-violence — against a government whose only reply is savage attacks on an unarmed and defenseless people. And I think the time has come for us to consider, in the light of our experiences at this day at home, whether the methods which we have applied so far are adequate.

Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X, who were both pivotal leaders in the American Civil Rights Movement, differed with each other on this issue.
Martin Luther believed that..

..returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction…. The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

While Malcolm had this to say…

I believe it’s a crime for anyone being brutalized to continue to accept that brutality without doing something to defend himself.

This time, the debate has sparked off closer to home. Following the incidents of April 8 in Lahore and April 9 in Karachi, the Lawyer’s Movement in Pakistan has come under strict criticism. The same lawyers who have been brutally beaten up and unlawfully imprisoned by the authorities have now come to be known as the ‘lucha lafangas’. Leaving aside for a while, the argument surrounding whether or not it was actually the lawyers who raised arms against those they hold responsible for the subjugation of the judiciary or a conspiracy orchestrated by those on the losing end of the Lawyer’s Movement; were the lawyers justified in resorting to violence given that their very opponents formulate the laws and thus dictate the terms, a legal war would have been futile?

Military Movements in Wana and Waziristan, the operation on Lal Masjid are some other examples where the use of force was not viewed favorably. How justified have been these military operations?

This will be the agenda for next Open Forum on April 15, 2008. Come tell us what you think? Is violence justified?

http://ibasocialsciences.blogspot.com/

Disclaimer: Any views voiced by Anes or me as Manager and Assistant Manager at the Open Forum sessions or on this blog are our opinions as individuals and not those endorsed by the Social Sciences Society. The Society does not pledge its allegiance to any one school of thought, ideology, race or religion in particular but only acts as a platform for discussion.

The first Open Forum session in Room 3 today was electrifyingly charged with emotion, as the topic was so close to the heart of most present. A Sindhi with a feudal background who resented how Punjab exploited the national resources; a Baloch who felt her province had been neglected far too long; an Urdu-speaking Muhajir who identified with MQM’s ideology; a few Punjabis who understood how the powers that-be had always counted on Punjab as their vote bank, thus ignoring the other provinces; and a room full of Pakistanis who may not have known so much about the grievances of each of these groups, yet had come to learn.

The reason for identifying the ethnic backgrounds of the participants is not to personally attack them but to learn about the perspective of each one of them.

The Baloch mentioned that the people of Balochistan considered Akbar Bugti their leader as he was the only person who understood the aspirations of the people. Criticisms were raised on Bugti’s life. Yet, she came to his rescue by saying that for an outsider he is a murderer because that is the image that is fed to them by the media. For the Baloch, Bugti was the only person who cared about them.

This began a debate on the whose argument was more credible. The Baloch who spoke from personal experience or any other Pakistani who saw Bugti as a murderer.

Another noteworthy point raised in the session was whether or not these leaders who represented only certain groups and did not speak for the entire nation were a source of conflict or individuals who sought harmony. Seraikis, for example, someone said, were an unrepresented race, thus were ignored too.

People who weren’t closely associated with the grievances on any groups who felt persecuted, nevertheless were aware of the problem and felt that what Pakistan needs is leaders who while representing their own nations kept th bigger picture in mind. However, there was little hope that this would come to happen in the near future as each political leader only sought to capitalise on the grievances of a few that would vote for them.

Due to the lack of time, the session had to be wrapped up, but the discussion can continue here. Please feel free to share your opinions here.