SiD’s Sphere!!

I was just watching an episode of Loose Ends on Business Plus and in his ending remarks Faisal Qureshi, a co-host on the show that I have always felt.

Very bluntly and very succinctly, he stripped our society of its pretentious values and left for us the bare reality to contemplate on. A truth that we as a nation have been running away from for more than half a century now, he told in a matter of minutes.

Pakistan, or even the world at large, is not moving towards development. People, especially the younger generation and the ‘enlightened classes’, argue that to move ahead, to progress, you need to accept changes that you need to be more accepting and tolerant of change. In my logic class, day in and day out, I have been taught that if I don’t change the way I think, I will be like the stagnated water that breeds in itself disease.

The question that we really need to ask ourselves, though, is are we changing for the better or for the worse.  All the values that we as a society have come to accept are only pulling us in the wrong direction. Very often we find ourselves justifying cheating, deceit, going against the law, corruption, bribery, etc only because that is how it all works now. We have to accommodate all vices in the name of development. And we use it as a pretext to a progressive society. If you’re rich and influential no one cares any more how you got up there. Once the situation calls for it. We defy all rules of morality and are amazed to find that contemporary society has no issues with it because now morality has become subjective- subjective to your position in the hierarchy of wealth and power. And when we find ourselves swimming in a cesspool of filth, we invite others to jump in with us because that is the way of the future.

I sat squatted, with the pages flying around; laughing at the irony of the joke life’s played on me. The pages weren’t as crisp as they were when I had put them away in the cardboard box for this very day. Back then, though, I hadn’t realized the chapter would already have ended, the curtain already fallen, the crimes already committed. I laughed even harder when I read the name that I have now come to hate. Life has gone round a full circle and I’m back where I was before all this started.

The law of conservation of Energy states that energy is neither created nor destroyed. It is transformed from one form to another.

The law of conservation of emotions, on the other hand, works in a two fold way. Emotions not only change their form (eg, happiness to sadness, excitement to disappointment) but it is also transformed from one individual to another. This means that if something has happened to make you happy, it has made someone else sad and vice versa.

So your fortune is always someone else’s misfortune. Your tears mean someone else’s laughter. This doesn’t necessarily mean that your emotions cause change in others’ emotions but that too can be true. There’s always a ying in a yang and yang in a ying.

‘Khushian baantne se barhti hain aur gham baantne se kam hota hai’.

the above statement which has become quite a cliche. is it true? no in its entirety. it is only true if the ‘khushi’ and ‘gham’ in question relate to only an individual and not the collective ‘khushi’ and ‘gham’. how so? when you share your happiness(khushi) with others, not all but some people will always envy your happiness. Their discomfort and an individual’s increased happiness will keep the equation in balance. Same goes for gham.

I was out on a road trip all day today. Dad had to go Tando Adam to meet up with a retailer who was giving him trouble and the rest of us decided to tag along.

One thing i love abt travelling on the super highway is the ‘doodh patti’ u get on roadside hotels. we had taken our own cups. and when we ordered ‘4 doodh patti’ and handed our cups to the waiter, he commented ‘yeh toa 8 cup hain’. hehe. the cups these ppl have are so tiny.

This was the first time, I travelled on the national highway futrher than Hyderabad. I was disappointed with the roads but the Motorway Police are doin a gr8 job up there.

Ammi started tellin us abt he own childhood in Lahore when we saw all the fruit vegetations on the side of the highway. She told us how they never had to buy any fruits or vegetables. They grew it all at home. They even had buffaloes at home to milk. Wow!! And she even told us how her mamoo even had chickens at home which their ‘chowkidaar’ cut for them whenever they cooked it.

While dad attended to business in Tando Adam (which seemed like a very small city and compared to Karachi may not even merit as one), me and Ammi attended to beggars on the street. Dad had bought us some bananas from a nearby vendor (the fruits there were the yummiest I’ve ever had). When the first beggar came knocking to the window, Ammi handed him a banana and he left. Then came another. Ammi offered another banana and the beggar flatly refused and refused to budge too. We finally dug up a coin to hand over to him. Then came a woman with a baby in her arms. Bhaii had come back to the car by now nd he sent her walkin with a Rs 20. And then came another woman, again with a baby, which looked like the same as the earlier one and I gave her packet of buiscuit. And another and then another. The funny thing was all the beggars had an amused look on their face, spoke in Sindhi and all of them refused to go away unless given sthg. Karachi’s beggars seem to have an ego or maybe its opportunity cost. The Karachi beggars move on knowin they can get sthg from some other car so they move on. The other day this lil girl came to us when i was goin to IBA with dad and i raised my camera phone to take her picture and she ran away. I showed her money but she still woulndt come. Her face was all burnt but dad told me it was all ‘drama’. I still feel sad for the kid. Even if there were no physical burn marks but what of the mental trauma that must come from bein forced to look like that.

Anyway, we decided to stopover at Hyderabad where me and Ammi window shopped for 3 hours while dad again attended to business.

On our way back, just a lil before Maghrib, it started raining on the highway. We rolled our windows down. and the smell….it was just beautiful. Now, I can finally say mitti khushboo kia hoti hai. We stopped for doodh patti again.

It was dark after that. I’m scared of drivin on the highway in dark. The accident still makes me shiver when i think of it. That was more than 2 years ago and it has changed so many lives and in some ways even mine. the words ‘would u have preferred if i died that day’ still resonate in my head as if they were just said a while ago. And he, who was no longer among the living after that day, left behind so many memories. I said a silent prayer for him and others.

I tried lookin for the moon too. and then I remembered, it was rainin a while ago so the moon’s behind the clouds. Reminded me of the song

baadlon mein chuup raha hai chaand kyoon..apne husn ki zaya se pooch lo

chandni pari hui hai mand kyoon..apni hi kisi se adaa se pooch lo

Wat was playin in the car the whole while was songs by Jagjit that I had forgotten abt. My favourite among them was

Suna tha k woh aayeingy anjuman mein Suna tha k unn se mulaqat hogi

Humein kia pata tha, Humein Kia khabar thi Na yeh baat hogi, na woh baat hogi

Another beautiful beautiful one was

Kaun kehta hai muhabbat ki zuban hoti hai

Yeh haqeeqat to nigahon se bayan hoti hain.

I know how true that is. Teri annkhon k siwa dunya mein rakha kia hai..

The end to the day was an unromantic one though when we were stuck in the traffic at sohrab goth.

In my search for freedom
and peace of mind
I’ve left the memories behind
Wanna start a new life
but it seems to be rather absurd
when I know the truth
is that I always think of you

Someday someway
together we will be baby
I will take and you will take your time
We’ll wait for our fate
cos’ nobody owns us baby
We can shake we can shake the rock

Try to throw the picture out of my mind
try to leave the memories behind
Here by the ocean
wave’s carry voices from you
Do you know the truth
I am thinking of you too

Someday someway
together we will be baby…

The love we had together
just fades away in time
And now you’ve got your own world
and I guess I’ve got mine
But the passion that you planted
in the middle of my heart
is a passion that will never stop

i love these lines from halka halka suroor.

khata e muhabbat ki achi saza di

mere dil ki dunya bana k mita di.

mere baad kis ko sutao ge

kahan jaa k teer chlao ge

meri dosti ki balaein lo

mujhe haath utha k duaein do

tumhe aik qatil bana dia

and now i’m listening to afreen.

we had an interesting convesation on the breakfast table today. my brother he dreamt that i had another sister. my dad teased ammi that he too had the same dream. we all had a good laugh.

i t reminded me of a few days back when we had to go to a wedding for 2 days and my brothers were given a choice.

‘aik din tum chaley jaana aur doosrey din tum’.

i thought that was unfair.

‘aap ki 2 betiyaan kyoon nahin hain? mujhe kyoon her jagah aap k saath jaana perta hai’

and thats not the only time i wish i had a sister.  everytime i’ve wanted someone to talk to, i know it would ve been so much better if i had a sister. i’ve lost 2 best friends so far. and it sucks!! its kinda painful when u realise that u no longer mean the same to them. it wud have been different with a sister. no matter what happened she’d always be there.

but anyway.. my brother’s dream is not comin true now. and even if it did it’d be far too embarrassing. me and shakiba had reacted so awkwardly when aarish told us 2 years ago his mother was expecting. ahhh.. those were the days. n then we were with him consoling him the day his brother was born. that was one day im not goin to forget in a long long time.

iba’s off for another 2 weeks. my gpa this semester is somethin more than a 3. i screwed up math and accts. that sucks!!

so my next year’s resolution includes getiing my focus  back. i needed to stop dwelling on my past and kick off with the future. i cant undo anything. i cannot hope to have anythin back. i cant change my past but i can change my present and my future. even if nothing really matters. i can make it matter. i can hope to make a difference. i can hope to be happier and i can hope to be a reason for other’s happiness. but do i really want to hope. no. im not ready for that yet.

merry christmas, everyone. happy holidays!!

Ammi asked me to clean th drawers today. and I found some of my old school ID cards. hehe.

I have kept them safely. It’ll be even more delightful to find them from somewhere 10 or 20 years later.

I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn’t have called but someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don’t matter
I’ll be courageous if you can pretend that you’ve forgiven me

’cause I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

Springtime in the city
Always such relief from the winter freeze
The snow was more lonely than cold if you know what I mean
Everyone’s got an agenda
Don’t stop keep that chin up you’ll be alright
Can you believe what a year it’s been
Are you still the same?
Has your opinion changed?

’cause I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from these sentences
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

I know I let you down
Again and again
I know I never really treated you right
I’ve paid the price
I’m still paying for it every day

So maybe I shouldn’t have called
Was it too soon to tell?
Oh what the hell
It doesn’t really matter
How do you redefine something that never really had a name?
Has your opinion changed?

Because I don’t know you anymore
I don’t recognize this place
The picture frames have changed and so has your name
We don’t talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn’t give to see your face again

“Tum log 4 saal saath rehte ho, muhabbat toa ho hi jaati hai’

I always wanted to reply to Extiinct’s reply to my reply. For some odd reason I cant get a link to that post so i’ll copy paste the whole thing here

A girl I used to know from school who was in college with me too dropped me a “what u upto it’s been so long” scrap. Replied telling her about me and asked about her. And she replies she’s married and expecting a baby! I was soooo shocked!!! I mean I shouldn’t be. Almost half of my friends are married or hitched. But I remember her telling me she was engaged. Just didn’t expect her to get married this soon. Said so when i replied but then remembered that the last time I had talked to her she had told me she was engaged and we had been fresh out of college. And i’ve been out of college for almost 3 years now. And for some reason it feels like yesterday. Felt so yesterday infact, that I wrote “you got married so soon after ur engagement” before I remembered how long ago it actually was.

That brings me to another thing. Why in god’s name are females, in particular my friends, getting married so soon? I wrote zuv getting married off at seventeen as a fluke. But then all my female friends started getting hitched, left, right and centre.

What happened to living our lives? Making our dreams come true? Being our own person? Enjoying life and seeing the world before we tied ourselves down?
What happened to being rebellious and breaking the house-wife image of women? Of making all sorts of mistakes before we made the ultimate one?
What happened to our dreams of a Masters Degree? What happened to our big plans of a career?

Heck, forget all that, what happened to growing up before getting married?!?! We’re only 20!!!

And I shouldn’t feel betrayed, but dammit I do!!!

To this, I commented

i used to think the same way as u do, but whenever i talk to all my friends who’ve got married(my best friend of 15 years now has a 1 year old), i realise they’re much happier than us.
what we have our whole lives to do, they’ve started doin it. they havent delayed it. what dreams samar?? u may deny it to urself even, (heck i do too) but a girl’s ultimate dream is to ride off into the sunset with her prince charming. we’re programmed that way. if we weren’t the thread that holds soiety together would be broken. look at the western society where girls dont give up their dreams; where premarital sex, live in partners, and one night stands are the order of the day; is that what u want from our society??
why am i getttin soo tuuchy abt this??

to which her reply was,

Sid: Im confused. How is having dreams of a career and being independant without the added responsibility of a hubby and kids related to live in partners and one night stands? What does it have to do with having your own identity before you surrender it to your husband?

All the ladies and the feminists in the house can hate me for saying this, but in my opinion there really is no harm if your husband’s identity is your identity.

I’ve had quite a few heated debates with girlfriends over this. While the rest of the female population rallies for emancipation, I turn around and walk towards a more traditional setup.

So why do I support an early marriage? First, because that is what our Prophet Hazrat Mohammed (P.B.U.H) prescribed. That parents shouldn’t wait very long after puberty to marry off their kids. I don’t know if I’m right but that is what I’ve heard a lot. I’m really sorry for not quoting an authentic source for the hadith.

But it makes sense. Most of us don’t like admitting it, but we all feel a need for close companionship, both emotionally and physically, and for everyone who’s married knows that if the marriage works out, there is no better friend than a spouse.

But now, when both men and women prefer to get settled down late in life, Pakistan is seeing an increasing trend in premarital relationships. This is not just confined to the upper middle and the elite class, but has trickled down to the lower classes as well.

Pyaar, ishq, muhabbat toa shroo se hota aaya hai but ‘girlfriend/boyfriend’ is a fairly new thing. This particular scenario can be described as ‘trying on for size’. One person asks the other one out. Terms and conditions are set. And after the other party finally says ‘yes’, they are pronounced girlfriend and boyfriend (and u may now kiss the bride).

This time, its the turn of all the young people who’re in a relationship to blow up on me for saying that last line up there. But seriously, once the ‘deed of partnership’ is signed and secured, the couple has agreed to tell each other all their secrets (that can be told) and in return grant a license to the other person to ‘touch and play’. Innocent hand holding leads to more experimentation. And plz don’t try to act naive and say you have no idea what I’m talking about.

And I can prove the above cases with more than one instance but that I will not do. You’re even welcome to accuse me of making assumptions when everyone knows as well as I do how the experimentation ends up in at least 25% of the cases.

And that is not where it ends. One of the two realises its not working out or the parents dont consent or a third person enters the equation and the ‘relationship’ has to be ended. Then follow the needless tears and regrets etc etc.

And when the ‘trying on for size’ phenomenon will move a step up, we will have *drum rolls* the advent of one night stands. That, though, is still a thing of the future, or so I think.

But, what I am saying is not that girls shouldn’t get their Masters degrees and should just become housewives. No. All I am saying is that there is no harm in settling down early. If only, instead of accommodating things like ‘relationships’, our society could accommodate women studying after they get married.

Marriage should not mean ‘tying ourselves down’. It should mean finding new wings. One of my favourite lines from a Bee Gees song is ‘With no one beside you, you’re going nowhere.’  And examples of our own parents shows us that there is no better support than a spouse.  

If anyone reading this was with me last wednesday, i meant what i said in the car on our way back to Sadaf’s.  ‘I will give up all my dreams for a man who’s ready to make me his dream’.