SiD’s Sphere!!

sorry extiinct for stealin ur title but we’re stuck in the same rut, both of us.

no actually my rut is worse. i have opportunities waiting for me to grab them but im not being allowed to. i know im capable of so much. there’s so much i could have accomplished by now. have u ever heard a better excuse than i’m not allowed to.

i feel helpless and hopeless right now. not only are these 2 months goin to go be a complete waste but i will also miss out on opportunities that who knows if ill ever get again.

and did i mention, i feel completely dumb now? i was calculating my cgpa and its taken such a plunge. now, no matter how hard i work for the rest of my 2 years, i cant get it to a decent level. i can blame chicken pox and my grandfather’s death in the middle of exams for the bad grades but i know its my fault. i didnt take anything seriously. i badly need an SGIP(Sid Grade Improvement Program) next semester.

i planned to write a detailed post abt this last semester. such a roller coaster. except for the gpa, this was probably the best time i had at IBA. maybe the wrost too. but atleast i was living it.

there was politics, and the Paradigm Shifts.
there were tears and there were hugs.
there was competition and there was victory.
there were grudges and there were bonding sessions.

its funny how two of the best bonding sessions this semester were in rickshaws.

yess.. there were trees and there were rickshaws. i felt “free” for the first time in my life. when ammi used to call me and ask me if i was comin home on time instead of me callin her up to ask if i can stay back. n all the stayin back, with hardly ever gettin anything done…

if there was anything that id like to change abt this semester would be my grades.
and maybe that one decision…maybe, maybe not.

2 more months of uselessness, here i come.

bas yaadein yaadein yaadein reh jati hain
kuch choti choti baatein reh jaati hai

i dont have a reading list this summer..

who has books i can borrow?

..and now that schools out, i have nothing to do but think..

the night after i finished doin he tag, when i lay in bed recounting the day moment by moment, i realised something. i forgot to mention Allah and the day of judgement in things i am scared of n mentioned death instead. yes, i did mention god in things I dont understand, but thats the whole point, I dont think I can ever understand. I just have to believe. coz without that belief, life is meaningless.

as a kid, we were inculcated to believe that we should be scared of noting but Allah. I used to ask stupid questions like ‘what if there’s a lion comin to eat me? am i not supposed to be scared?’. one of those questions that i couldnt find an answer to back then. makes me laugh now. but the question in a way is just as valid now. im more scared of mortal things than i am of Allah. im more scared of losing face in front of people than I am of losing face in front of Allah. im afraid of letting down ppl now, and not of letting down Allah. I’m terrified of being judged by strangers and give no thought to the day of Judgement..

i have been so consumed with life lately that it took death to come and shake me out of my lively stupor. i needed that. i needed a break too. a break to think. to come to conclusions. yet, i know, in the end all of this time off will not matter. i give in to temptations to easily. a weak willed woman. in more ways than one.

but then again, right and wrong is subjective.

justifications. excuses. easy way out.

i am caught up in so many different worlds. there are so many ways for me to choose from. so many definitions of right and wrong. so many people who i will have to disappoint. so many people whose faith in me will shatter. so many people i will have to let down.

i just cant decide which set of people these have to be? which world do i choose? what do i want?

not happiness. i am happy and yet i am not coz the questions still havent been answered.

do i ask too many questions?

i know what my problem is. i dont know when to stop. i think i think too much.

stop thinking. start living.

circles again.

my life repeats itself. the story remains the same but the actors who play different roles change. have i said this before? i m sure i must have.

i’m not very fond of tags now. specially when i have to write abt myself. i hate writing abt myself coz i dont know myself. but ill give it a shot now that ive been tagged by 2 ppl. Extiinct (the queen of tags) and Raheel.

three things that scare me:
1. Death
2. Dying without making a difference in someone’s life
3. lookin down from a high place.

three people who make me laugh:
1. shakiba (but ofcourse)
2. nabeel (hahaha.. i dont know why i laugh so much when i talk to him)
3. sadaf (this girl talks incessantly. hahah..one of the reasons she’s so fond of me is coz i laugh at her lame jokes)

three things i love:
there’s a lot..but ill try to squeeze them into 3
1. friends
2. ice cream
3. mom’s food

three things i hate:
1. dishonesty (even from myself and im a very dishonest person)
2. questions that i dont have answers to
3. not being able to find out those answers

three things i don’t understand:
1. why cant i know everything
2. is there really a God?? is there? (munib, if ure reading this..shoo)
3. why am I me?

three things on my desk:
1. my phone
2. a coffee cup
3. a pen

three things i am doing right now:
1. waiting
2. drinking coffee
3. finishing this tag

three things i want to do before i die:
1. make a difference in someone’s life (in a big way)
2. do sthg gr8 like save the world or sthg. (stop laughing. im serious)
3. hug ammi

three things i can do:
1. make gr8 coffee
2. manipulate ppl (without hurting them n they never find out)
3. think

three things you should listen to:
1. voices within u
2. advice (be it from anyone. i never do though)
3. ur heart

three things i’d like to learn:
1. draw
2. write well
3. being able to stand still.

three favourite foods:
1. most of what ammi makes.
2. nando’s
3. zinger

three beverages i drink regularly:
1. tea
2. coffee
3. tang/water

three tv shows/books i read as a child:
1. ainak wala jinn
2. ishtiaq ahmed’s series
3. time life books. we had so many at home.

three people i would like to tag:
1. mansoor
2. abeer
3. jony

not bad.. this one wasnt that hard after all.

My grandfather passed away last week. I was home. There in the room as life slowly slipped away from him. A whole year had passed and I still hadnt been able to talk to him…

This was my first close encounter with death. I’ve been left shaken. not a moment passes when i wonder if I am prepared to die yet. that if i die today, am i ready to face Allah. and i realise no. My life has been a mess..

My grandfather passed away last week. I was home. There in the room as life slowly slipped away from him. A whole year had passed and I still hadnt been able to talk to him…

This was my first close encounter with death. I’ve been left shaken. not a moment passes when i wonder if I am prepared to die yet. that if i die today, am i ready to face Allah. and i realise no. My life has been a mess..

My grandfather passed away last week. I was home. There in the room as life slowly slipped away from him. A whole year had passed and I still hadnt been able to talk to him…

This was my first close encounter with death. I’ve been left shaken. not a moment passes when i wonder if I am prepared to die yet. that if i die today, am i ready to face Allah. and i realise no. My life has been a mess..

My grandfather passed away last week. I was home. There in the room as life slowly slipped away from him. A whole year had passed and I still hadnt been able to talk to him…

This was my first close encounter with death. I’ve been left shaken. not a moment passes when i wonder if I am prepared to die yet. that if i die today, am i ready to face Allah. and i realise no. My life has been a mess..

My grandfather passed away last week. I was home. There in the room as life slowly slipped away from him. A whole year had passed and I still hadnt been able to talk to him…

This was my first close encounter with death. I’ve been left shaken. not a moment passes when i wonder if I am prepared to die yet. that if i die today, am i ready to face Allah. and i realise no. My life has been a mess..