SiD’s Sphere!!

Sentences that have trailed off into nothingness, yet words that cannot go unremembered. A random treat to myself, and a little something to read for those who continue coming back to the empty space of unwritten words that this blog is fast turning into.

10/9/07

I don’t really know where to start off this particular ranting post from. there’s a lot to choose from really. there’s the Musharraf re-election, and then the mother of all injustices, the national reconciliation ordinance. there’s the reaction to my posts on KMB and then there r personal dissatisfactions that continue to escalate with each passing day.

10/17/07

an individual’s attitudes are shaped by the society he/she lives in. While at times it may just be an overwhelming pressure to conform, at others, its the conditioning that one has received over the years which inculcate the notion of whats right and whats not, whats acceptable and whats not..

in the conversation i posted in my last post, i said ‘i ask myself where i’d be without pakistan, and i usually find something inside tellin me ‘better off’’

while that attitude, too, may be a reflection of the collective psyche of the people i interact with, it is also a result of the frustrations i feel when faced by the myriad challenges that wouldn’t have existed had it not been for the place n environement i was brought up in.

Ive heard so many ppl talk abt ‘bahar jaa k toa linon mein lag jatay hain, chotay chotay kaam karnay ko taayar ho jatay hain. yahan kyoon nahin?’. i wonder why the person sayin it doesnt ask that question to himself or herself. but there’s more to it than just forming queues. once people get to escape from this society, their entire way of thinkin changes.

here’s an example…

at my place, they men of the family aren’t expected to do any house chores. at the dinner table, my brothers will ask me to fetch anything that they need from the kitchen, no matter how much closer it is to them. It wasn’t always that way. it wasn’t this way when we didnt eat with my grandmother.

1/27/08

i have never been less willing to write than i am now. actually, no. i do want to write but i cant make myself.

3/2/08

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.

– George Orwell

Honesty and optimism are great, but they require your physical and emotional commitment to transform them into something tangible.

– My Horoscope

i don’t have a lot of options and if I do, I’m not sure what they are. My interview this week at P&G has kinda shook me. I always knew that I don’t want to end up there, but after the interview, I was confused about what I really want. It is important to decide that now, coz my career option at this point in my life is going to determine what direction my life takes.

I want to clear the screening interview because my very low self esteem needs to believe I am good enough for something even if I don’t want it. But the rest of the package isn’t as alluring for me. As

3/26/08

we’ve all heard that story. if you look back, you’ll turn to stone and then you can’t move on. i’ve been thinking about that. and how by condemning myself to the past, i’m denying myself a future. but life is funny. just when i think i’m ready to move on, along comes March 26th along with an unwelcome reminder. and i just can’t help but steal another glance in the past in a futile attempt to make out something.

4/6/08

The paradox within me..
I live in a virtual world. More people know me on the Internet than in the real world. Some of my best friends are people I met online(no, not the frandshipping type ). 2 weeks without the Internet and it seemed might life had come to a screeching halt. Yet I have never been at more peace with the world than out on the fields today, away from everything technological; except my GPRS enabled phone I checked my mail on.

Today, I realized more than ever before how much I’d like to escape urban life and all of that comes with it. The lifestyle, the food, the stress, the people…

5/4/08

i really should be studying right now. first final tomorrow. but damn this notalgia. came across one of saad’s photos and went through the entire album of his pictures. maybe talking to anzer in the afternoon had this effect. or was it accidentally opening mohsin’s surreal paintings of a nude artistically transformed into a flower. or maybe it’s watching my seniors become sad about leaving each other that i feel like revisitng the life of each person i’ve left behind.

i can’t wait to get on a plane to go visit aarish so that we can materialize all the crazy plans we make on the phone. and then there’s imtiaz and amsterdam waiting.

6/24/08

I am too busy to think. Too engrossed in work. Work, that I don’t want to be doing. I like the place. I love the people. I am even having fun, but every time I stop to consider, ‘What are you doing, Sidrat?’, the answer doesn’t come. Something within is too ashamed to speak. The silence thus speaks for itself.

The current leg is the most unnerving. Even though the week promises to be a truly unique experience, the temptations scare me. Scare me and disgust me at the same time.

I’m not a huge fan of J.K Rowlings. I’ve never read a singly Harry Potter book. But she has finally captivated my imagination with the following words :

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

8/16/08

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

Nelson Mandela

I wrote the above lines down in the text box on 14th August, sleeves rolled up to rant about why this nation doesn’t deserve indepndence in the first place. Got caught up with work and like many other half baked inscriptions, this piece, too, secured its place in the Drafts.

I created a new post again yesterday to write about Musharraf and how I feel and how this nation was left in a lose-lose situation. So much so, that those who opposed Musharraf are now questioning if what happened yesterday really was for the best, while Musharraf’s ardent supporters are leaving no tables unturned in mocking the helpless doubtridden ‘masses’ that didn’t want Musharraaf anymore.

For me, its still too early to talk in retrospect, which always is the best vantage point when entering a debate.

…..

Sentences that have trailed off into nothingness, yet words that cannot go unremembered. A random treat to myself, and a little something to read who continue coming back to the empty space of unwritten words that this blog is fast turning into.

10/9/07

I don’t really know where to start off this particular ranting post from. there’s a lot to choose from really. there’s the Musharraf re-election, and then the mother of all injustices, the national reconciliation ordinance. there’s the reaction to my posts on KMB and then there r personal dissatisfactions that continue to escalate with each passing day.

10/17/07

an individual’s attitudes are shaped by the society he/she lives in. While at times it may just be an overwhelming pressure to conform, at others, its the conditioning that one has received over the years which inculcate the notion of whats right and whats not, whats acceptable and whats not..

in the conversation i posted in my last post, i said ‘i ask myself where i’d be without pakistan, and i usually find something inside tellin me ‘better off’’

while that attitude, too, may be a reflection of the collective psyche of the people i interact with, it is also a result of the frustrations i feel when faced by the myriad challenges that wouldn’t have existed had it not been for the place n environement i was brought up in.

Ive heard so many ppl talk abt ‘bahar jaa k toa linon mein lag jatay hain, chotay chotay kaam karnay ko taayar ho jatay hain. yahan kyoon nahin?’. i wonder why the person sayin it doesnt ask that question to himself or herself. but there’s more to it than just forming queues. once people get to escape from this society, their entire way of thinkin changes.

here’s an example…

at my place, they men of the family aren’t expected to do any house chores. at the dinner table, my brothers will ask me to fetch anything that they need from the kitchen, no matter how much closer it is to them. It wasn’t always that way. it wasn’t this way when we didnt eat with my grandmother.

1/27/08

i have never been less willing to write than i am now. actually, no. i do want to write but i cant make myself.

3/2/08

The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one’s real and one’s declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink.

– George Orwell

Honesty and optimism are great, but they require your physical and emotional commitment to transform them into something tangible.

– My Horoscope

i don’t have a lot of options and if I do, I’m not sure what they are. My interview this week at P&G has kinda shook me. I always knew that I don’t want to end up there, but after the interview, I was confused about what I really want. It is important to decide that now, coz my career option at this point in my life is going to determine what direction my life takes.

I want to clear the screening interview because my very low self esteem needs to believe I am good enough for something even if I don’t want it. But the rest of the package isn’t as alluring for me. As

3/26/08

we’ve all heard that story. if you look back, you’ll turn to stone and then you can’t move on. i’ve been thinking about that. and how by condemning myself to the past, i’m denying myself a future. but life is funny. just when i think i’m ready to move on, along comes March 26th along with an unwelcome reminder. and i just can’t help but steal another glance in the past in a futile attempt to make out something.

4/6/08

The paradox within me..
I live in a virtual world. More people know me on the Internet than in the real world. Some of my best friends are people I met online(no, not the frandshipping type ). 2 weeks without the Internet and it seemed might life had come to a screeching halt. Yet I have never been at more peace with the world than out on the fields today, away from everything technological; except my GPRS enabled phone I checked my mail on.

Today, I realized more than ever before how much I’d like to escape urban life and all of that comes with it. The lifestyle, the food, the stress, the people…

5/4/08

i really should be studying right now. first final tomorrow. but damn this notalgia. came across one of saad’s photos and went through the entire album of his pictures. maybe talking to anzer in the afternoon had this effect. or was it accidentally opening mohsin’s surreal paintings of a nude artistically transformed into a flower. or maybe it’s watching my seniors become sad about leaving each other that i feel like revisitng the life of each person i’ve left behind.

i can’t wait to get on a plane to go visit aarish so that we can materialize all the crazy plans we make on the phone. and then there’s imtiaz and amsterdam waiting.

6/24/08

I am too busy to think. Too engrossed in work. Work, that I don’t want to be doing. I like the place. I love the people. I am even having fun, but every time I stop to consider, ‘What are you doing, Sidrat?’, the answer doesn’t come. Something within is too ashamed to speak. The silence thus speaks for itself.

The current leg is the most unnerving. Even though the week promises to be a truly unique experience, the temptations scare me. Scare me and disgust me at the same time.

I’m not a huge fan of J.K Rowlings. I’ve never read a singly Harry Potter book. But she has finally captivated my imagination with the following words :

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

8/16/08

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

Nelson Mandela

I wrote the above lines down in the text box on 14th August, sleeves rolled up to rant about why this nation doesn’t deserve indepndence in the first place. Got caught up with work and like many other half baked inscriptions, this piece, too, secured its place in the Drafts.

I created a new post again yesterday to write about Musharraf and how I feel and how this nation was left in a lose-lose situation. So much so, that those who opposed Musharraf are now questioning if what happened yesterday really was for the best, while Musharraf’s ardent supporters are leaving no tables unturned in mocking the helpless doubtridden ‘masses’ that didn’t want Musharraaf anymore.

For me, its still too early to talk in retrospect, which always is the best vantage point when entering a debate.

…..

never has been the urge to run away been so strong
neither has been the desire to belong
harboring dreams that will never come true
dreams that I relentlessly pursue
treading on.. head hung low in shame
so guilty, yet wanting more of the same

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